Keeping your
temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using
"I" statements — to stay
in control.
By Mayo Clinic staff
Do you find
yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure
go through the roof when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and
even healthy emotion — but it's
important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll
on both your health and your relationships.
Ready to get your
anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.
No. 1: Take a timeout
Counting to 10
isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments
to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If
necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration
subsides a bit.
No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger
As soon as you're
thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but
nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly,
without hurting others or trying to control them.
No. 3: Get some exercise
Physical activity
can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt.
If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some
time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates
various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than
you were before you worked out.
No. 4: Think before you speak
In the heat of the
moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to
collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the
same.
No. 5: Identify possible solutions
Instead of
focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your
child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for
dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a
week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it
worse.
No. 6: Stick with 'I' statements
To avoid
criticizing or placing blame — which
might only increase tension — use
"I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific.
For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to
help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."
No. 7: Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a
powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out
positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness
or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you
might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to
behave exactly as you want at all times.
No. 8: Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can
help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
No. 9: Practice relaxation skills
When your temper
flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises,
imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as,
"Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or
do a few yoga poses — whatever
it takes to encourage relaxation.
No. 10: Know when to seek help
Learning to
control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for
anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you
regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management
classes or anger management counseling. With professional help, you can:
§ Learn what anger is
§ Identify what triggers your anger
§ Recognize signs that you're becoming angry
§ Learn to respond to frustration and anger
in a controlled, healthy way
§ Explore underlying feelings, such as
sadness or depression
Anger management
classes and counseling can be done individually, with your partner or other
family members, or in a group. Request a referral from your doctor to a
counselor specializing in anger management, or ask family members, friends or
other contacts for recommendations. Your health insurer, employee assistance
program (EAP), clergy, or state or local agencies also might offer
recommendations.
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