Oxford online dictionary defines
failure as Lack of success. So in the above definition, the absence of success
is termed “Failure”. It is the state of failing at something. Failure can
actually be a source of motivation and inspiration, but people haven’t realised
that yet. In this particular publication, we shall be looking at ways we can
deal with failure. There are several ways that failure can be dealt with, below
are a few ways;
1. See failure as a learning point: When you fail, rather than dwell in self-pity,
view your failure as a source of knowledge and learning. As an individual, I
have failed in business and in relationships. But rather than dwell in
self-pity and forming a pity party, I learnt from my failures ways of how not
to fail the next time I try. If you don’t find out why and how you failed, you
might not be able to find out how not to fail in your next venture.
· 2. Accepting
your emotional state: Sometimes it is okay to feel vulnerable to your
emotions. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel sad when you fail at something;
it could be a task at the office, a contract or a partnership you had invested
so much in, it could be a relationship you had put in so much effort in, etc.
Do not lie to
yourself about how you feel. Acknowledge your pains, hurt, sadness &
frustration, and accept it. This will help you heal faster and motivate you to
seek for ways never to fail again. In 2017, a friend of mine connected me with
a gentle man from the Northern part of Nigeria. This man needed Tipper trucks
that will transport raw materials for cement production from Lagos to Kogi
state. Now this business would have changed me forever as that particular
business was intended to last for 2 years. They needed about 100 Tipper trucks
for this job. I put in a lot of effort in making sure I get good trucks to
deliver on the job. I put in so much effort and hard work to ensure the success
of the contract. I was so fortunate to find trucks that were sound enough to do
the job. But the contract failed because the client wasn’t willing to pay the
required amount that was quoted for the job. They wanted to pay an amount far
lesser. That failed contract demoralised me and I felt really devastated. I
thought of the resources I had invested in travelling and other connections I
had made for the job. I thought of the profit I would have made at the end of
the job. I struggled with the emotional trauma for a long time, because I
didn’t want to accept the emotions I felt, I wanted to mask my emotions, so
people would not know how I felt. I healed faster after I opened myself up to
my emotions
It is more
devastating and dangerous to lie to yourself about how you feel and the current
state of your emotions when you fail at something.
So go ahead and
accept your emotions, allow yourself to feel bad for some time, know the
emotion you feel and allow yourself to experience it. That failure and emotion
will motivate and inspire you to work harder and smarter.
· 3. Avoid
unhealthy practise: People try to hide their pain when they fail at
something. You might hear them say stuff like “I didn’t really want it anyway”
after they had tried something and failed or “she wasn’t really the girl I
wanted” after he must have tried to woo her and she turned him down. But trying
to hide the pain won’t make it go away. Trying to distract yourself by adopting
some unhealthy lifestyles such as smoking, gluttony, drugs and even drinking
will only worsen your situation by further deteriorating your health rather
than heal your pain. You don’t have to jeopardise your health simply because
you failed at something. You must bear in mind that failure is temporary, but
developing an unhealthy habit can have a lasting devastating effect on you.
· 4. Adopt
some healthy habits instead: When you fail at a thing, some of the healthy
practises you can adopt to help you deal with the failure includes;
Calling a friend: This actually goes a
long way in helping people deal with stress, anxiety and failure. There is a
popular cliché ‘a problem shared, is a problem solved’. This has actually
helped me a lot in dealing with certain difficult issues. When you discuss your
failure with a close friend, you free yourself of your frustrations and
worries.
Taking a long walk: Sometimes a long
walk helps free your mind of things that bothers you; especially when you had
just failed in something. My friend Charlie takes a long walk whenever he
experiences failure in something or going through anxiety issues. He says ‘long
walks help me develop different perspectives about life and when I engage long
walks during crisis periods in my life, I see my worries differently’. Long
walks don’t only help clear your mind, it is also a great exercise for your
body.
Meditations: This is a powerful mind
exercise that helps heal pains even faster. It allows you to connect with your
inner self and get to the root of your soul. During meditations, you develop a
new sense of confidence and faith that you can actually succeed. You also
reflect on past successes and you are able to develop a new perspective about
life. It improves your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. There are
audios you can download online to help you with your meditations.
Hang out with children, pets, and
close-friends: This works very well for animal and children lovers. You can
go to a park and watch children play; you can take your dog or cat to a park to
play. The idea is to engage you in healthy practises. If you don’t discover
some healthy practises and lifestyle, you may not be able to desist from the
negative ones that you indulge in.
· 5. The belief system: A lot of factors and elements could have been responsible
for your failure; poor preparation, government policy or regulations, last
minute disappointment by an investor/partner, or some unforeseen circumstances
such as an accident, or death of a loved one. When people fail, they usually
start developing some irrational belief about failure. Such belief as “I’m a bad
person, that was why I failed”, “Nobody will like or accept me because I
failed, and if you are from Africa you might attribute your failure to some
diabolical and fetish belief that you are suffering from some ancestral curse
from your village. Such thoughts are negative and would only hold you back from
trying again and even succeeding. This kind of belief and thinking will further
reduce your self-esteem and confidence. The lack of confidence and low
self-esteem result in some negative behavioural pattern which would include;
hatred, envy, jealousy, violence, depression, and even suicide. The Holy bible
says when the righteous falls seven times, he will surely rise again.
You must
understand that failing is part of the process and develop positive attitudes
and belief towards life in order to succeed. Consciously develop the ‘I can do’
mentality. Give your positive reinforcements of encouraging yourself to learn
from your failure and mistakes. Challenge yourself to try again. Yes! There is always
a next time.
Listen to
inspiring music, audio books and videos, read books like the bible, and other
inspirational literatures by Brian Tracy, John Maxwell, John Mason, Steve Jobs,
Richard Templar, Robert Kiyosaki, etc. change your circle of negative and
myopic friends. They will only point out your inadequacies and the wrong in the
world. Associate with people that will help you see possibilities around you
and even help you achieve them.
You will start
succeeding when you start changing your belief system.
· 6. Take
responsibility for your failure and move on with the lessons learnt: Failure
is the beginning of a new chapter. When you fail, it is important to accept a
certain amount of responsibility for your failure. Acknowledge that you are
partly the cause of your failure and take responsibility for it. It’s okay to
blame external forces and other people when you fail, but you must also realise
that part of the failure was your fault. Whenever you think of your failure,
think of explanations as to why you failed rather than excuses. Find out the
reasons why you failed and ask the question “how can I do it better the next
time?” Failure is a great teacher if you are open to learning. Seek for ways to
do things differently and ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. Like Thomas
Edison, Walt Disney, Benson Igboejesi who failed several times in business and
a host of others who failed in different areas of profession. Find out what
they did differently that bounced them back, and apply some of their methods
where it is applicable to your own situation. Use the information you have
gathered from your failure and your study of why you failed and create a
workable plan. Apostle Paul said “…… I press towards the mark …..” he didn’t
remain in his failure; he created a plan and followed it until it worked out.
Just like a baby doesn’t just start running in a day. The child first learns to
sit before trying to crawl. When it’s time for the child to crawl, he tries and
falls down severally before he stands. And that child keeps trying until he
stands, walks and also runs. The child never gives up or in. He keeps trying until
he achieves his objectives. So you must continue to strive, push and pursue, no
matter how many times you fail.
Sometimes, what
causes us to fail is our fear for something. If you must succeed, you must
identify your greatest fear, and face it. Step out of your comfort zone. Faith
is not the absence of fear. Do not stay in your comfort zone and expect to
succeed or have a breakthrough. All those who ever succeeded, took steps of
faith out of their comfort zone. Failure is part of the process. Don’t die
there in that negative circumstance. Seek for help from experts and professionals
in that field, create a plan and jump right back in. you will succeed if you
try again.
Do not ignore the
God factor. God is the source of strength and wisdom for a comeback when you
fail. Paul declared and said “I can do all things through Christ who gives me
strength”. You have got to believe and put your faith in God.
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