6 PRACTICAL WAYS OF DEALING WITH FAILURE

Oxford online dictionary defines failure as Lack of success. So in the above definition, the absence of success is termed “Failure”. It is the state of failing at something. Failure can actually be a source of motivation and inspiration, but people haven’t realised that yet. In this particular publication, we shall be looking at ways we can deal with failure. There are several ways that failure can be dealt with, below are a few ways;

1. See failure as a learning point: When you fail, rather than dwell in self-pity, view your failure as a source of knowledge and learning. As an individual, I have failed in business and in relationships. But rather than dwell in self-pity and forming a pity party, I learnt from my failures ways of how not to fail the next time I try. If you don’t find out why and how you failed, you might not be able to find out how not to fail in your next venture.

·      2. Accepting your emotional state: Sometimes it is okay to feel vulnerable to your emotions. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel sad when you fail at something; it could be a task at the office, a contract or a partnership you had invested so much in, it could be a relationship you had put in so much effort in, etc.

Do not lie to yourself about how you feel. Acknowledge your pains, hurt, sadness & frustration, and accept it. This will help you heal faster and motivate you to seek for ways never to fail again. In 2017, a friend of mine connected me with a gentle man from the Northern part of Nigeria. This man needed Tipper trucks that will transport raw materials for cement production from Lagos to Kogi state. Now this business would have changed me forever as that particular business was intended to last for 2 years. They needed about 100 Tipper trucks for this job. I put in a lot of effort in making sure I get good trucks to deliver on the job. I put in so much effort and hard work to ensure the success of the contract. I was so fortunate to find trucks that were sound enough to do the job. But the contract failed because the client wasn’t willing to pay the required amount that was quoted for the job. They wanted to pay an amount far lesser. That failed contract demoralised me and I felt really devastated. I thought of the resources I had invested in travelling and other connections I had made for the job. I thought of the profit I would have made at the end of the job. I struggled with the emotional trauma for a long time, because I didn’t want to accept the emotions I felt, I wanted to mask my emotions, so people would not know how I felt. I healed faster after I opened myself up to my emotions

It is more devastating and dangerous to lie to yourself about how you feel and the current state of your emotions when you fail at something.

So go ahead and accept your emotions, allow yourself to feel bad for some time, know the emotion you feel and allow yourself to experience it. That failure and emotion will motivate and inspire you to work harder and smarter.

·       3. Avoid unhealthy practise: People try to hide their pain when they fail at something. You might hear them say stuff like “I didn’t really want it anyway” after they had tried something and failed or “she wasn’t really the girl I wanted” after he must have tried to woo her and she turned him down. But trying to hide the pain won’t make it go away. Trying to distract yourself by adopting some unhealthy lifestyles such as smoking, gluttony, drugs and even drinking will only worsen your situation by further deteriorating your health rather than heal your pain. You don’t have to jeopardise your health simply because you failed at something. You must bear in mind that failure is temporary, but developing an unhealthy habit can have a lasting devastating effect on you.

·        4.  Adopt some healthy habits instead: When you fail at a thing, some of the healthy practises you can adopt to help you deal with the failure includes;

Calling a friend: This actually goes a long way in helping people deal with stress, anxiety and failure. There is a popular cliché ‘a problem shared, is a problem solved’. This has actually helped me a lot in dealing with certain difficult issues. When you discuss your failure with a close friend, you free yourself of your frustrations and worries.

Taking a long walk: Sometimes a long walk helps free your mind of things that bothers you; especially when you had just failed in something. My friend Charlie takes a long walk whenever he experiences failure in something or going through anxiety issues. He says ‘long walks help me develop different perspectives about life and when I engage long walks during crisis periods in my life, I see my worries differently’. Long walks don’t only help clear your mind, it is also a great exercise for your body.

Meditations: This is a powerful mind exercise that helps heal pains even faster. It allows you to connect with your inner self and get to the root of your soul. During meditations, you develop a new sense of confidence and faith that you can actually succeed. You also reflect on past successes and you are able to develop a new perspective about life. It improves your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. There are audios you can download online to help you with your meditations.

Hang out with children, pets, and close-friends: This works very well for animal and children lovers. You can go to a park and watch children play; you can take your dog or cat to a park to play. The idea is to engage you in healthy practises. If you don’t discover some healthy practises and lifestyle, you may not be able to desist from the negative ones that you indulge in.

·     5. The belief system: A lot of factors and elements could have been responsible for your failure; poor preparation, government policy or regulations, last minute disappointment by an investor/partner, or some unforeseen circumstances such as an accident, or death of a loved one. When people fail, they usually start developing some irrational belief about failure. Such belief as “I’m a bad person, that was why I failed”, “Nobody will like or accept me because I failed, and if you are from Africa you might attribute your failure to some diabolical and fetish belief that you are suffering from some ancestral curse from your village. Such thoughts are negative and would only hold you back from trying again and even succeeding. This kind of belief and thinking will further reduce your self-esteem and confidence. The lack of confidence and low self-esteem result in some negative behavioural pattern which would include; hatred, envy, jealousy, violence, depression, and even suicide. The Holy bible says when the righteous falls seven times, he will surely rise again.

You must understand that failing is part of the process and develop positive attitudes and belief towards life in order to succeed. Consciously develop the ‘I can do’ mentality. Give your positive reinforcements of encouraging yourself to learn from your failure and mistakes. Challenge yourself to try again. Yes! There is always a next time.

Listen to inspiring music, audio books and videos, read books like the bible, and other inspirational literatures by Brian Tracy, John Maxwell, John Mason, Steve Jobs, Richard Templar, Robert Kiyosaki, etc. change your circle of negative and myopic friends. They will only point out your inadequacies and the wrong in the world. Associate with people that will help you see possibilities around you and even help you achieve them.

You will start succeeding when you start changing your belief system.

·      6. Take responsibility for your failure and move on with the lessons learnt: Failure is the beginning of a new chapter. When you fail, it is important to accept a certain amount of responsibility for your failure. Acknowledge that you are partly the cause of your failure and take responsibility for it. It’s okay to blame external forces and other people when you fail, but you must also realise that part of the failure was your fault. Whenever you think of your failure, think of explanations as to why you failed rather than excuses. Find out the reasons why you failed and ask the question “how can I do it better the next time?” Failure is a great teacher if you are open to learning. Seek for ways to do things differently and ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. Like Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, Benson Igboejesi who failed several times in business and a host of others who failed in different areas of profession. Find out what they did differently that bounced them back, and apply some of their methods where it is applicable to your own situation. Use the information you have gathered from your failure and your study of why you failed and create a workable plan. Apostle Paul said “…… I press towards the mark …..” he didn’t remain in his failure; he created a plan and followed it until it worked out. Just like a baby doesn’t just start running in a day. The child first learns to sit before trying to crawl. When it’s time for the child to crawl, he tries and falls down severally before he stands. And that child keeps trying until he stands, walks and also runs. The child never gives up or in. He keeps trying until he achieves his objectives. So you must continue to strive, push and pursue, no matter how many times you fail.

Sometimes, what causes us to fail is our fear for something. If you must succeed, you must identify your greatest fear, and face it. Step out of your comfort zone. Faith is not the absence of fear. Do not stay in your comfort zone and expect to succeed or have a breakthrough. All those who ever succeeded, took steps of faith out of their comfort zone. Failure is part of the process. Don’t die there in that negative circumstance. Seek for help from experts and professionals in that field, create a plan and jump right back in. you will succeed if you try again.

Do not ignore the God factor. God is the source of strength and wisdom for a comeback when you fail. Paul declared and said “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. You have got to believe and put your faith in God.